How have you been? It’s been quite a while we saw and since things are such that we can’t see each other again, I thought I should at least write. Perhaps my pen can try to express properly my feelings; the way I feel. I have always said that it was my best form of communication.
I remember the first day I saw you, I was just 15. My eyes were paralyzed on your form and the way you made it speak volumes to my flesh. I heard you very clearly though you spoke no words, your allure was impossible to ignore. How could I? How could I possibly have said no to lips so alluring and eyes so compelling. Could I have resisted a form that made me wonder if God was partial? I was in love or so it thought.
I know it was wrong that I couldn’t tell anyone about our secret romance. I know I shouldn’t have hid it, but they just wouldn’t have gotten it. They wouldn’t have understood the things you did to me or the way you made me powerless to your allure.
Its been a while now since the breakup and I know it has been hard on you. It has been quite hard on me deciding not to see you, but I find strength everyday in the fact that I know it is for the best.
You see, for a long time I blamed you, I blamed you for interrupting my life and stealing away my strength. I blamed you and accused you of leading me away and trapping me with the promises you whispered on the bed you had scented and laid out with roses. I blamed you and I hated you because I began to believe what they said about you; that you were low, cheap and profane. They made me feel the same way for associating with you. I made them make me believe that you were darkness and I was created for light.
I am writing to say that I am sorry, because my eyes are open now and the blindness that blinded me has lifted. I remember the first time you popped up like a book in my face, My heartbeat began to race and my flesh could not see beyond the bareness, the nudeness. I am just a man, how could I have? I am sorry because now, my spirit can see beyond the poise and the nakedness and the soft words of enticement, the luscious lips with which you spoke as you licked off the dryness and stared at me with those piercing dim eyes. I see beyond it all… I needed this time away from you to really see you.
I screamed “murder!” I named me the victim and you the suspect, but now I see that we both were just victims at two different ends of the spectrum. I mistook your poise for confidence and I didn’t see it for what it really was; camouflage. I disdained your profession and failed to hear your profession; a cry for help. I was deafened by my screams for help as I prayed to be delivered from your firm grip and I am so sorry that I didn’t hear your own silent screams; the same as mine, but I was pure; I was only tainted by your lipstick! Or was I?
Perhaps I was just as lost as you were and it was because I was just as blind that I couldn’t see. How could I fail to see that we were both patients fallen to the same disease; sin. We both were broken and it was actually our brokenness that brought us together. It was our mutual need for pleasure and satisfaction that led us on the long journey to addiction. How could I not have seen this?
Oh how sorry I am my dear that I paid so much attention to what you bared that I was totally blind to your nakedness.
You are not low, you are not profane and you are not on the lowest rung of the social ladder, oh! How deceived I was! You are just like me, broken and lost and wandering and hungry, poor and needy and deceived and bound. You are not the captor, you are equally a captive.
I write to tell you that I am sorry because, when I look back now and remember those eyes that led me like straps round the wrist to the bed where I released myself to you and lost myself, I see a reflection; mine. I am just like you, fallen and broken.
I write to tell you that this similarity I have found, this common sickness that we both are fallen to has a cure. I found it and you can too. There is meaning and strength, fulfillment and Joy indescribable in a Jewish rabbi that walked the dusty streets of Galilee over 2000 years ago. He spoke to me and through the portal of history he appeared just as alive in the present as he was on those streets and he made me see my ailment and he gave me the cure. He refocused my mind on a purpose higher than pleasure, he purged me of the deep scars I thought you gave me, he made me love you and realize that I didn’t even know love before.
I guess what I am saying is that I write to tell you that we are the same; fallen and if I can rise, we can be the same; risen. I know it because Jesus Christ always keeps his promises and he told me he loves you just as much as he does any other. You heart can be filled dearest Jasmine. He awaits you.
I love you and I mean it
So many times, we who claim to know Christ are the proudest and most profane. Profane because we are carnal in our judgment. We can never see past the short dress and skin barred, the tough talk and careless living; the façade that everyone uses to cloak their brokenness. We all are broken creatures, we all are sick with the same sin sickness and we all need the same saviour! No matter the manifestation, sin is the problem. Oh lord help me see that when I turn my back on the world(the people in the world), I turn my back on you.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Here I was thinking that He has called us to hate the world…
That’s some Truth on Truthoscope!
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